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JIMMY BECKHAM DESTROYS TOKYO!

TOKYO, Japan -- Shocking news today, as sports icon and sunglasses model Jimmy Beckham tore through the Shijuku district, carving a swath of destruction and mayhem. Backham, who normally stands 5 metric feet tall, attributed his gigantic size to side-effects of his recent electrolysis therapy he is receiving as part of an advertising contract.

The attack began at 8:17 am, when widespread reports of a gigantic meterosexual frolicking in the commercial district was reported by frightened morning commuters. Concurrent with the sightings, witnesses claimed to have heard a "Beckham BEGIN!"bellowing through the streets. At first, Mega-Beckham proved only a curiosity, but the collective flashes of passerbys digital cameras frightened and confused Mega-Backhem who quickly unleashed his heat-ray vision on buildings and advertising he found threatening.

Jimmy Beckham is an international superstar because of his ability to kick things, making him a role model for people with legs. Mega-Backham lived up to Jimmy's reputation by punting the headquarters of Sumimoto-Mitsui Bank across central Tokyo in to the scenic Shinagawa Seaside.

Within minutes, a crack team of Japans finest monster psychologists was assembled and considered a variety of solutions to soothe Mega-Beckhem, ultimately leading to a peaceful resolution. The initial strategy was to shine silhouettes of Japans most successful advertising icons directly into Mega-Beckhams eyes while helicopters blasted the top 10 J-Pop hits from high powered PA systems. Surprisingly, this only infuriated Mega-Beckham further.

A second strategy, dubbed "Gojira Denki Ureshii Sutoressu"(Godzilla Electric Happy Stress) was employed, attempting to lure Mega-Beckham to cross high voltage electricity wires. Unfortunately, the power grid only fed the rage and supernatural powers of Mecha-Beckham, and subsequently caused a city-wide blackout.

As of this writing, the destruction continues, with damage in the trillions of Yen. As the enraged Mega-Backim works his way through some of the most densely populated areas in the world, the casualties continue to mount.

Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi issued a plea to the international community (traslation courtesty of Altavista's BabelFish): "It has faced the crisis of the our bats enormous citizen. As for me someone catastrophe and can finding the practical solution in this the history of Tokyos of attack of the enormous monster is worst terrible threat only you desire. Already, it reaches to our life separations of the uniform of the hint schoolgirl and alienation, the lovely cartoon animal, and the woman who raises it returns, it is long us."

Scrame will do what it can to keep up with this story, in whatever half-assed way that might be.


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